Making friends in France
Maybe, like me, you have had the dream, taken the leap and found your house in France. Having got over the initial stages of documentation, dealing with notaires, immobiliers, paying bills, opening accounts, buying a car etc, you are basically installed. You smile at the neighbours, they smile back and you exchange pleasantries. You sit in the market square and drink a coffee and smile at others who might be ‘étrangers’ like you. They smile or ignore you – they are probably tourists. You are alone – they are all couples.
It dawns on you that life in the UK was cold, expensive and dull – you thought an adventure in France would be a dream new world. Fact is, you have to get yourself out there to become part of the community and to extend the number of people you know. Like many other people who worked full-time in the UK, I never really joined local organisations as there was no time and work provided all the social interaction I could want. As a ‘young’ single retiree in France I had to determine to make a change and AVF was my solution.
Quality of life Firstly, let me explain what it means – the acronym is for Acceuil des Villes Francaises – or ‘advice from French towns’. The concept is that anyone moving to another part of France – whatever their nationality – should be able to contact the organisation and, through it, find a way to meet friends and join in local cultural and leisure activities. Quality of life is important in France and they want you to enjoy yourself!
Their official charter states (in French and in English): ‘Article 1: The aim of the association is to welcome individuals and families who have recently moved to a town or to the surrounding area and to ease their new way of life.
Article 2: To welcome as members of the association persons who have been living in the area for less than three years.
Article 3: For those persons who have been living in the area for more than three years, membership implies an undertaking to act as a volunteer and to contribute, insofar as one is able, to the work and the smooth running of the association.’
A warm welcome My first experience after I had joined in December 2006 was an invitation to a ‘welcome party’. I was a little nervous as I hadn’t met anyone else there. It cost €5, started at midday and was in a hall in the centre of town. I reckoned I could always slip out if it was too much for me! It was a total revelation.
I was greeted as I arrived and the French hosts were interested in who I was and where I lived. A drink was put in my hand and I was ushered to the front where I found myself standing with around 30 other new arrivals, in a crowd of probably 200 other people. It was a bit daunting – but there were at least four other English people, a couple from Taiwan and the rest were French or Dutch. Here in Languedoc, Parisians are considered real foreigners!
A microphone was handed round and we were asked to introduce ourselves a little. Once this was over we found places at trestle tables and food was produced in huge quantities – along with ample supplies of vin rouge. I sat with a mixture of French and English people. While we were eating, a couple were doing a provocative tango demonstration at the end of the room – it was extraordinary!
Several courses later, and once champagne had been drunk, paper plates and plastic cups cleared, it was time for music and dancing. Inhibitions out of the window! Everyone dances – old women, young women (sometimes together), lecherous looking lounge lizards, dapper old men in snazzy suits with footwear reminiscent of Fred Astaire... It was truly mesmerising – everything from ‘Viva Espagne’ to ‘YMCA’ , traditional rock’n’roll, the Madison and the foxtrot. We finally did the equivalent of the conga round and round the room. It was a memorable afternoon indeed.
Fully subscribed Once you’ve made the initial step, found where your local group is and paid your €29 for a year’s subscription, there are a host of classes to choose from.
These range from yoga and gymnastics to watercolour painting, scrapbooking, bridge and languages (French, English and Spanish). Obviously, running a class is voluntary so is dependent on available skills. At least once a week, walks are organised, an ideal opportunity to find your way round the area, speak some French and get some exercise.
I joined the French classes and met a great number of other expats who live in the area. What I loved about the group from the start was that all the people were open-minded and keen to improve their language skills and to join in the French community as much as possible.
Our teacher, Jean Pierre, who speaks no English, is a typical dapper French gentleman, immaculately dressed and always patient and polite.
He not only guides us through the book, he helps us understand the anomalies of the French electoral system, advises on filling in tax forms, suggests places to visit and, above all, once a year invites the class to his son’s rice-growing farm where we get to see yet another aspect of local culture!
The whole class goes for coffee after the class finishes – there is no sense of ‘clique’; people don’t go off in little groups, everybody is welcome. This is very reassuring for someone arriving alone. It also guarantees that the next time you go to the square on market day, it is inevitable that someone will smile and say ‘sit down – have a coffee’ and you will begin to feel you have arrived.
Two ladies run another English class – they are retired geography teachers and obviously old friends. I always think of them as the ‘Two Ronnies’ because of they way they spark off each other off; one insists Domaine Tariquet is the best wine to drink with foie gras while the other looks scandalised while saying the French equivalent of ‘not in my house it isn’t!’